Deep Insecurities

Insecurities kills all that is beautiful

Insecurity is characterised by a sense of inadequacy and lack of certainty. It causes worry about your goals, relationships, and ability to deal with certain situations. Everybody experiences some form of insecurity occasionally. It can appear in all aspects of life and be caused by a variety of factors.

Growing Up

During my growing stages, I was filled with all sorts of insecurities. I had insecurities in school due to others performing higher than me when I was just in primary school. This insecurity carried on to my high school years and a little part of it stayed during my early university stage of life. Most of this insecurity and maybe what you may even call fear, arose due to my ultimate goal in life, which was to become or be in a place where my family and friends were proud of me. Growing up, the phrase "I'm so proud of you" was the phrase that I most wanted to hear but it just had to be the one I most lacked hearing. I'd say this past insecurity is still in there somewhere but I tend to overshadow it because I've learnt how to be proud of myself at where I am in life and that's what makes me most content.

Another insecurity I had growing up was the insecurity of being alone or left out from things. This insecurity of mine started also when I was in my upper primary years as I felt like I was being drifted away from people that were once the closest to me. It wasn't only insecurity but almost a form of fear and/or social anxiety when it arose deeper when I got to high school. I felt that not many people in my life truely understood me or even wanted to understand me as a person, I never really had the chance to express myself, my persona was always overshadowed by the ones that were more extroverted and out there. There were some times where I liked being hidden and unknown to the rest of the world but sometimes, I just wanted to be me and I never really got the opportunity to do that when I was younger.

Skin 101

I don't know about anyone else but most of my teenage years consisted of me constantly being embarrassed and insecure to be seen due to my constant breakouts. There was a point in my life where I wouldn't want to be seen without makeup, even when I was at home. I tried so many different skincare routines, from face washes to toners and all sorts of moisturisers and they kept coming back. I was on medication for so many years and some of them were so impactful to my mental health that I kept having constant mood swings. Although medication did work for some time, it was not for me and I realised that I wasn't able to become confident in myself by using it due to all the side affects.

I've learnt now to become more patient with treating my skin and through that process, I've slowly become more confident in myself. I realise that there are still many people around me going through the same issues and their own personal insecurities and that perspective made it feel as if I'm not in this journey alone and this feeling reduces my stressfulness and allowed me to not let my insecurities hold me back from this journey of life. I've found ways to become happy when doing my skincare routine, making it seem like a hobby rather than a chore that needed to be done. I've found peacefulness and calmness whenever I'm treating my skin positively and although this insecurity does bounce back from time to time, I never let it overshadow my wants.

Insecurity knocks from time to time. Invite it in for a cup of coffee, talk with it, understand it. Then take that sugar spoon and poke it in the eye.